At This Age, No One Expects Anything Out Of Me Anyway

I'm working on a painting to enter into this month's Member Show at the local art center; not this, of course.  I've been grappeling with the fact that my hands just can't paint the way they used to, quite frustrating; so I've been doing loads of rationalizing with Amy, inside my head.

"No one expects anything out of you anyway, at this point in time."

I know, but I don't want to stop being an artist completely.  The theme of the show is Pathways, and since none of my gourds are suitable, I decided to paint something similar to the back of my teardrop, now sold.

"Same, but different."  That's ok, I suppose.

"Consider the mirror."

In Puerto Rico, I'd occasionally find an abandoned decorating magazine, and in 2002 I ripped this picture out.  Isn't it a beauty?

I've carefully kept it in a plastic sleeve, knowing that one day I'd create my own using the shells I'd collected over twelve years.  But I thought I had more, I discovered when I retrieved my things last year from storage.

That's when I remembered all the crafty things I did with kids at the Saturday Market, c. 2012, using my own 'stash' to inspire creativity.  I don't look at that as a wasted effort, but what about my own dream?  Was it lost, too?

So as happens, last month Rosemary and I headed to Goodwill to look for craft items for summer projects here at the park, and where I found a tall glass vase full of old shells and rocks and things for less than two bucks.  I wandered over to the frame section, you never know when you'll find a Picasso amongst the Dogs Playing Cards.

OMG!  THERE'S MY FRAME!  I was so excited.  The frame itself is lightweight, but the mirror weighs a ton and I don't have solid walls.  No matter, I grabbed it for $9.99.  Once home, I knew exactly where to grab the magazine page, 24 years later.

Thus began over a week of this in the middle of my 27-foot trailer.  I looked online at other people's creations, but they all seemed to be a bunch of shells plastered onto a frame, all mixed up.  Very pretty but not what I had in mind.  I couldn't believe the prices ($1,200?) and for a split second I considered, once finished, putting this in my Etsy shop, but no. Besides, imagine the weight of a solid-shell piece on the picture-frame half-wall I've constructed (too difficult to explain).

And anyway, this is for ME.  Still, I double-checked the value of the mirror and it appears to be from the '70s but selling for less than $200.  Free to destroy!  My first step was priming the mirror with Gray Krylon Primer, my go-to for priming almost anything.  For some reason (in my opinion) the Gray it works better than any other colored Primer; but if I try this again I'll rethink my choice.

Next step - get down to the beach for some sand, involving pal Chris, of course.  I over-estimated the amount I'd need but luckily Chris gently advised, No, three gallon-size bags full would be more than enough; no need for a fourth.  Felt like a packhorse trudging back up to the car.

The plan was to use Mod-Podge and sprinkle on the sand, but that wasn't working (see right side).  It was already a pain in the como-se-llama to get the sand in all the nooks and crannies, and I'd have to add how-many layers to look decent?  Damn, shoulda bought a can of Spray Sand, I've used that before, but it looks tacky, sorry Krylon.

With nothing to lose at this point, I mixed up some beige paint, painted over the (dried) first layer and sprinkled on more sand.  Still a pain, but at least the beige paint was a good idea (left side). It took a bag and a quarter of sand, but not all of it landed on the frame.

I still preferred my magazine photo style, but the problem was that I didn't have enough similar shells to follow the scrolls.  A mix of shells (I tried) did not create the same graceful appearance.  The person who made the magazine mirror probably bought the shells, for they're too identical.  Nothing wrong with that, but it put me in a bind.

That's when I looked at my $2 shell-filled vase.  I dumped them out.  Sure, they're junky looking and I didn't collect them, but who cares?  Turns out the vase was full of small clamshells of various sizes, perfect for my purpose.

I carefully positioned the shells and glued them on with an old paintbrush, which would have made Carmen laugh.  She owned the Shell Shop in Parguera and would fill a small picture frame up in less than 20 minutes.

Wish I could do the same but I can't.  I'm too particular and besides, I've learned the skills I simply cannot master:  crackling paint, applying gold leaf and wielding a glue gun.  I'm not good at caulking or drinking shots of Tequila, either, throwing the wrong thing in the wrong order in my face.

But I'm patient, at least with projects like this, so shell-by-shell, day after day, I sat and glued.  I couldn't help but remember all the times in Parguera when the Captain and I would zip out to the outer reefs in our hard-shelled dinghy, perfect for such expeditions.  (Sister Hillary, visiting for her 50th, took this photo).

It could have been a bittersweet accomplishment, this mirror, considering our busted relationship, but it wasn't.  While Cap was off snorkeling for hours on end, I was carefully picking through old rocks.  I've enjoyed walking on the rocks since a kid, with Dad.

It was especially delightful when I'd find a perfect specimen simply tossed up on a rock by a wave, and I always scoured the sand for tiny treasures.  We split the shell collection when we split the sheets and most of my best ones were sold off on Ebay when I couldn't pay the rent in 2012.

But I still have my best little ones, enough for the mirror and then some, as it turned out.  Get rid of it?

I'm still counting on my own home with solid walls, and just like I waited to create this frame, I can wait for the the walls. President Trump won't be around forever, thank God.  But I'm not outlining, for things generally work out better than what I imagine.

Nice frame, huh?  I was scared to turn it over to attach the mirror and screw it all together (I spray varnished with Krylon Clear Glaze) but there was nothing for it.  I placed soft pillows in strategic places and flipped.

And whaddaya know - everything stayed put.  I had to redo it because the mirror wasn't quite placed properly, I agonized with that decision.  But I did it, and everything stayed in place again.  Kudos to Krylon, Mod-Podge and Aileen's Tacky Glue.

I was tempted to leave it as-is, but it needed more.  The starfish and other pieces were glued to the frame and not the mirror, piece overlapping piece, so my 'wall' had better not move.  Voila.

Sure am glad I decided to write today instead of paint.  I've pressured myself for nothing of real consequence, after all.  Been there, done that, as they say, but no more.

"What if I don't finish in time,"...Mirror, Mirror?

Not the worst thing in the world.  Besides, I suppose I could always put the mirror in the show.  The theme is Pathways, I've already mentioned; but artists are not bound by that, according to the guidelines (I'd better re-read that).  We're allowed to enter two pieces and they can be for sale or not.  I could probably get a pretty penny for it considering (1) the locale and (2) there will ALWAYS be people with money.  And it wouldn't hurt, since (3) I'm beginning to ration my food.

Naah, think I'll keep it safe at home and resist temptation.  I'll enter the Safari Carousel instead, and finish the painting - I've still got four days and I'm 75% finished.  I'll post the results.