"What a wonder life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner." Colette

Feb 17, 2021

Don't know what to say? Time to grow up.

"I love mankind...it's people I can't stand."  Linus van Pelt

It's a fact that when you've experienced a loss you discover your true support system. I learned that after Tino died (it's the same following a divorce), so it's sad to watch those I love endure grief and loss compounded by needless disappointment. I've tried to explain to more than one that it's nothing they've done; some people are just not mature enough to step up and say, "I'm so sorry," so they turn away from the situation like a child. It's easier.

Not that I'm some Grand Old Sage as Amy imagines, but I have been widowed going on 27 years so I feel pretty confident in my words.  There's lots of activity in the beginning but after about a month people fade away, I wish somebody'd warned me.  Perhaps they assume  it's been long enough, a common observation.  I secretly relish knowing they'll inevitably face the same suffering, what a bitch.

"It's not you," I assured Gayle, whose husband Joey passed a year ago.  She'd described people turning away rather than face speaking a few awkward words of comfort or kindness.  Which is one reason I know that by the time I get to New Jersey, my sister will be ready for some company.

It's shocking, too, the interest in details surrounding a death, like rubberneckers along a highway.

"Tino's heart literally exploded, is that what you want to hear?"

Here's a pretty photo, totally unrelated to my nephew's passing; but as a gallery owner once advised, "Give the public what it wants."

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