New Tricks

I've ventured out to very few places other than grocery shopping, but today I had to go to see my new doctor to check-in.  I'm covered by the Oregon Health Plan so I go where they send me, and after 7 years my old PA is no longer part of their plan so I've been reassigned.  We're starting from scratch but there's not much in my records, since they won't give me the drugs I want and I don't want the drugs they offer.

"Call when you arrive and we'll come out and take your temperature."

I hate my post-Obama Smartphone and have to be reminded to use it or lose it all the time.  I only learned how to answer the damn thing last year thanks to one of the residents of Hope Village, after he watched me pounding the screen while growling.

"No, no, just touch it lightly and pull your finger down.  If it doesn't work the first time do it again, gently."

"You sound like the guy at the Post Office," who nicely but firmly told me to take it easy when I kept pounding their payment machine the same way, I'm such a child.

So before the doctor's appointment I stopped to pick up some Heartguard from BC's vet.  The sign said Curbside Assistance but I assumed it was optional, like at Walmart, so I walked up.  There was a STOP sign at the door; plus a paper taped to the glass, repeating the instructions for those of us who missed the ones in the parking area:  Text, or if you can't, call.

My texting skills are worse than my dialing. Mine was the only car in the parking lot and I stood before the office door, pounding away for a good 4 minutes before the gal inside took pity and came out.  Maybe my eyes looked a bit wild over the mask, like a rabid dog.

"Thank you...I'd have been out here forever..."

She took my order, went inside then came back out with the little machine to pay, kinda like those hamburger joints.  The only thing missing were roller skates.

I felt more confident as I neared the medical building, where similar instructions were posted every two parking spaces.

First time I dialed I thought I'd lose my mind when I couldn't figure out how to access the keypad to press Option 1. The screen asked 3 questions but I answered incorrectly and looped between the Home Page and those same questions, no matter which one I picked.  But the really unnerving part was the office recording continuing to speak no matter what I did, like in a horror movie.

In my younger days I'd have tossed the phone out the window but I'm older and wiser, or at least more patient. When I finally managed to cut myself off I took a deep breath (without the mask) and tried again.  That's when I noticed the little icon in the bottom left corner that looks like a calculator, damn.

By the time I got home I was starving plus my stomach was acting up from the day's events, no doubt.  I've just woken up from a nap feeling much better; and pleased with myself for learning at least one new trick today.