Ego-Amy's Take

“Andrea can’t come to the keyboard right now.  She overloaded.”

Meet Ego-Amy.  I named her several years ago, after decades of trying to pretend she didn’t exist. Don’t make my mistake by denying your Alter-Ego until your Sundowning Years.
EMBRACE THE FORCE!

Turns out it’s quite easy to place blame on Amy’s shoulders. Something I said?  I'll buy her a muzzle.?  Atrocious behavior?  NOT MY FAULT!  I keep hoping if I throw her a piece of meat now and then she’ll be sated, and I’ll be calm and collected like Vegans:

“How much?!  Four-hundred, seventy-five to replace the water pump…and what else?”

“Bypass surgery on the hot water heater, since it’s toast and we can’t fix both.   That frozen fun in Tahoe over the holidays must have taken its toll, ‘cause it’s leaking like a sieve now.  They say it’s been leaking for about 3 years; didn’t I notice?

"Doesn’t matter what I thought that dripping was!  They quoted $ 800 for a replacement tank, plus $ 135 an hour labor. In my next life, I'm gonna be an RV mechanic.  So I suggested the bypass to get by.  We can boil water for dish-washing, and use showers where we’re squatting, or at the campgrounds. I figured they’d snip a couple of rubber pipes, stick in something-or-other and be done.  For years I watched the Captain jury-rig things on Ruff Life; how hard could it be?

“An hour-and-a-half, just for the bypass?”  It was Amy they picked up off the floor.

“Give the mechanic one of those high-energy, coffee-shot drinks and get moving! And YOU, pull on your big girl panties and deal with it.  At least we’re not homeless.  Uncle J. said we can stay in the driveway as long as we like...what are you staring at?”

“Those purple streaks next to the 16” crack on the back wall.  When did that happen?!”

“When you tried to turn around in that Taco Bell parking lot.  You took the Drive-Thru sign too literally. You left me then, too."

 "Well, I already planned on painting a mural across the back; incorporating that block of wood the mechanic in Houston used to cover the screws he accidentally drilled through the shower wall and out the back; and covering the scraped striping caused from having to travel with the cargo carrier UP cross-country.  You’ll see…it’ll look fine. "

"If your goal is to avoid resembling the Clampetts, you’re failing miserably.”

“Will you please shut up!  Listen, I’m just starting to come back to life so I’m searching online for a new hot water heat…you mean…if I’d only…”
“Two-hundred, eighty five on Amazon with Free Shipping?  Aw hell, there she goes again!”