Overcoming a Broken Heart

Valentine's Day was the date I chose for my second wedding, so that my husband, a good ol' boy from Kentucky, could easily remember.  Perhaps that's why I began ruminating about former romances yesterday, and while snooping discovered that my last partner has remarried and moved on with his life for over a decade now; within 2 years of kicking my como-se-llama down the road.

Finally, bits and pieces of Internet snippets I'd picked up over the years finally fell into place.  It was there all along; why didn't I see?  Because I don't make a habit of peekin', plus I guess it was too painful to search back then.

How does that make me feel?  Oddly enough, relieved.  I hope he's happy, I write while shuddering inside, imagining their life in Oregon's High Desert:  scrubby vegetation, snakes.  No thanks, the Coast for me, plus I like living near civilization.  Regardless of how he screwed me financially, I don't envy his mortgage.  In my head I can hear him describe plans for his 3 acres in the wild, just as he had plans for Ruff Life and then the tract house he ultimately left me for.  Apparently he did manage to sell that (after 12 years) for a profit, so I must give credit where credit is due, did I write that?

Anyway, here I am, having the realization slapped squarely in my face that the man I pined after for far too long, quickly moved on.  I wasted too many years and tears on the "woulda, coulda, shoulda's," what a schmuck.  I'm not really surprised at his current situation, doubtless contrived in large part by his Baptist mother, who took an instant dislike to me, for religious reasons.  Perhaps that's why I get particularly riled up about the so-called moral, Christian crusade.  No matter; she died the same year as my mother, so why hold a grudge?  I'll just insert her in future stories.

The Captain got a replacement collie fairly quickly following Czar's death; and I already knew of his propensity to cut people off suddenly, without explanation or further contact.  Throughout our 12 years together I prayed I wouldn't become another example, shoulda known.

I did discover my own online profile, I don't look at those, either.  I'm not searching for a job, starting a business or practicing online dating, so eh!  I was, however, surprised to read:

"...not likely to be married."

Thanks a lot...broadcast it to the world, why dontcha?  I had no idea; how can these sites assume?

Well, that's fine.  I have a sense of relief that there's no pain from the recent news, and can appreciate what I've gone through since 2010.  I survived that grief period and came out pretty well, all things considered.  His mother was right:  "You'll be better off" without her son, she tried to cushion the blow.  I am glad to be where I am, and wouldn't trade places with his current wife for all the seashells on the beach.  I'll get through the mourning of BC, too.

P.S. To 'bikinmomma' and any other friends from Puerto Rico:  please send me a note through the Comment form on the right side of the page.  I'll be on "Isla del Encanta" in March, thanks!