Me and My Gal

No, it’s not Glamour Shots, but ain’t we a couple of purties?

“You clean up good,” I've heard more than once.  She’d never admit it, but based on her reaction I suspect that crossed Lee’s mind when I shoved the plastic-sleeved portrait of BC and me in her face.  But she quickly recovered, and joked along to my purtie crack.

About a month ago I received a phone call, asking if I’d like a doggie portrait (a promotional gig at the groomer’s).  I’d love one, but I can’t afford to buy anything extra, much less puppy pics.  No problem; I’d receive a free copy for my troubles.

It’s been very difficult trying to snap a decent shot of the two of us (for my dog treat website); my arms aren’t that long to hold the camera far enough away, and I never bothered to figure out how to delay-shoot.  Therefore, my interest was piqued when he said it could be of BC with or without a human.

Now you must remember, I’ve never had the opportunity to take the kids to Sears or wherever, and as far as school photos go, my parents handled that.  So I really didn’t know what to expect.

They took about 30 shots; us on the floor, BC on a table; brown backdrop or this prettily hand-painted (not by me) canvas.  Some with the two of us; some just with BC, who looked darling every time.  The photographer’s assistant was waving around a squeaky ball, which held her attention.

I paid more attention to the canvas, the lighting and the photographer’s techniques, since I have such difficulty photographing my own artwork.  BC was being cooperative, and I beamed as they gushed over how cute; how perfect her expression, etc., etc.  And then we were done.  I put BC in the truck and returned to select my free copy, or maybe more.  I had a bit of extra cash; it was a nice feeling.

The assistant was fiddling with the computer, and I glanced at the laminated price sheet on the table before me.  One-sixty-seven?  What are they, joking?  Poor marketing, putting the most expensive package first.  I kept blinking until I reached the ultimate package of six-ninety-five, at which point I fainted.

Metaphorically, at least.  I must be reading it incorrectly; the decimal points are in the wrong place, or I’ve simply forgotten how to read.  The woman began speaking but I understood not a word.  My mouth hung embarrassingly open as I searched for my vocal chords.

“Are these prices right?” was all I could manage.

Of course, but look at all I could get.  Magically, six of the best appeared on her screen, as she explained how many wallet sizes I’d be receiving.

I haltingly explained more than was necessary about my financial inadequacy; wondering how to bring up my free copy, since she hadn’t (it’s amazing what I can face and what I can’t).  Good thing I didn’t know the prices beforehand, otherwise I wouldn’t have had the nerve to show up.

She deleted 3 of the choices.  “For $47 you can get this-and-that.”

“I really can’t afford that, I’m sorry.”  I was getting pink inside.

Another pause.  “For $36 you  get (less of this-and-that).”

Now I just stared at this salesperson.  “What can I get for twenty bucks?”

“For $20?  Nothing.  Your free copy.  How did you hear of us?”

“You called me.”  And then, to further justify my experience, I absurdly offered BC’s visage for their advertising, should they choose, since she was just so darned adorable.

Yep, I was born that stupid; the rest I picked up along the way.  But there are three things derived from the experience:

1.       I know how parents feel.

2.      I’ll be ready the next time.

3.    I got my free 5x7" this week, compliments of Signature Images.

Happy Mother’s Day!  Wow, think I'll dig into the gifts my neighbors just dropped off.  SWEET!!