"What a wonder life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner." Colette

May 26, 2020

GSS - Grocery Store Stress

That's really a term.  So Trump's cutting off Brazil to prevent infection from abroad, but who's going to protect us from beach-goers?  Church-goers?  HIM???

I'm off to another stressful shopping trip t Walmart, can't make their 6 am Senior Hour.  Last time I went I broke down in tears...here's what happened:  I paused for some tuna fish towards the end of an aisle when a 30-ish man with 3 small children, all without masks, turned up the aisle towards me.

"Excuse me," I began, "you're heading the wrong direction."  The arrows are confusing, no one denies it.

Lady of Guadalupe
"Haha, I don't mind!"

"I do."  He stopped and stared.  "I do," I repeated, refusing to back down.

"Well, you're the only one," he snarked as he turned around.

"You have no idea what underlying condition I may have..." I lamely argued to his back side.  Then Amy got pissed I felt I had to explain my position to 'that punk'.  Since his parents never taught him right from wrong, what's the point?  And look at the values he's passing on to his own rug rats.  Don't misinterpret: they weren't disheveled or underfed.  They looked like your typical Millennial family brought up to feel entitled.

Calabash tree w/fruit
So in the next aisle Amy let loose what just happened to the WM employee filling online orders, how frustrating.

"Uh-oh, I go the wrong way," she admitted; but it didn't register because the young family was advancing behind us and I expected another confrontation.  I raised my voice as I pulled out more ammunition, and by the time they passed I was loaded for bear.

"When they get spots all over their bodies, you won't see ME shed a tear!"  They slid by quietly.

After a time I was so disturbed by this episode plus dodging other illiterate non-maskers of ALL generations that I never finished my shopping.  I couldn't wait to get out of the store. I missed saying Hi to the one person I've spoken to more than anyone since this stay-at-home began:  Julie, at the Deli Counter.  We became friendly after sharing anecdotes of life in Germany without understanding the metric system (I ended up with an 8-inch stack of sliced salami at a Metzgerei). So not only did I not get everything I needed, I lost out on an infrequent yet important connection.  I've had two social-distancing, sit-down conversations since the beginning of March and the second was yesterday.  No wonder I'm losing it.

When the gloveless check-out clerk behind the Plexiglas asked sweetly, "Was everything alright," I broke down in tears and told her my tale; vowing it would be my last visit; we've more than one Walmart around town, there goes my nose.

"I can't believe I actually SAID that," I wept as she bagged, adding, "That's not me!"  You may know otherwise, but she didn't.

I'm trying to keep my agita down, but drumming up suitable wisecracks in anticipation of tomorrow's shopping trip hurts my head.

"Excuse me, but you might not realize you're heading in the wrong direction."  I can't WAIT to run into my first asshole.


I've discovered that most people do not like being called inbred...you don't think this is the first time I'll be using that, do you??  But I usually shout it from a greater distance, so wish me luck.

Photo notes:  In Puerto Rico I entered an artesan contest in Ponce celebrating the Virgin of Guadalupe.  My entry was a wall sconce (with candle) crafted from one of my larger higueras, or calabash gourds, for which I received an honorable mention and a check for 50 bucks.  For a different contest story, enjoy Town Hall and Toffenetti's, thank you for reading!

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Original gourd art designs Copyright 2020 Andrea Jansen Designs. Please write for permission.



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