"I'm Not Good, but I've Got Guts"

Dad passed away on Good Friday almost 40 years ago, and since that time I've vowed to teach myself to play his Ukulele.  I don't know whether he learned to play chords or simply strummed to amuse us as kids, but I loved it, and him.

About 5 yrs ago I took it to a music store to replace a broken string, and as soon as I was home and STRUMMED, it broke again.  I put it back on the shelf, but took iti down a couple months ago thinking, "Either do something or get rid of it," for I'm off to 'Jersey tomorrow to retrieve my goods in storage, finally and I've been making space for weeks.

(Photo, right: this was the 1960s, when one of the world's first supermodel Twiggy's hair was in style.  Of course I looked nothing like her plus I had braces; it was a rough pre-teen time.  Anyway, there's the uke on one of those rattan shelves popular at the time) I digressed, but even my hairdresser never heard of Twiggy, what a shame.

I debated for years how I'd paint the mahogany-colored instrument (it's not a Stradavarius), until I looked at something I'd painted which now holds my combs and brushes, painted Tiffany-style, like the gourd lampshades I made in Puerto Rico, here's a link to some more.

It's a Tempo brand, which I couldn't find online except for a mention in the Ukulele Underground Forum - someone had one and asked if anyone heard of it.

"I HAVE," I shouted excitedly but no one else had, so I joined the group but have yet to post.  The paper label was shot, and after debating painting around it, I took a picture and yanked it off.

Like the lampshades, first step (after sanding) was to basecoat it with several coats of white; then I did a bit of glazing before continuing.  I left the 'fretboard' as it was, for I figured any paint would chip off from my frenzied playing.

I always begin with something simple in mind, but as I work it gets more and more elaborate.  Then I begin getting sick of the project but I hate leaving things half-finished so I persevere.

"Why am I doing this?  I don't even know how to play."  But I can read music or at one point I could, and Miguel assured me that would give me an advantage.

So I painted, and painted, and painted some more.  Sure, looks nice - only I have to outline each 'piece of glass' and I've got arthritic hands, what was I thinking?

I've got a few more pictures so I'll continue with the story, whether or not the words pertain to the photo.  Basically, I'm filling up space.

I momentarily debated leaving it alone, forget the outline.  Who would know, and it still looks pretty.

I would, because I've already learned how details really bring a piece to life.  I started with the back, so that I could figure out how much pressure to apply to the brush (makes a difference in the thickness of the lines).

Wow, that looks pretty good with thinner lines.  I tried to design the piece so that the flowers and vines wrapped around the sides; with everything continuing upwards.  It's what I do.

While I was painting I was learning about ukuleles and figured I'd take my Soprano to a music store to string it, until my manager suggested I do it myself, that's what YouTube's for.

So I did:  I'm not making money off this, but I must give shout-outs along the way to some of the brands I ordered from Amazon and other venues.  I'm not supplying the Amazon links; there are so many varieties.

First, I replaced the tuning pegs with a pack from Grover, in black to complement the linework, that was pretty easy.  But you cannot imagine how many choices there are in the way of strings; I never realized they were different thicknesses.

I got Aguila Nylgut Strings in High G and Regular G, to see if there's a difference (but how can I tell without recording myself?)  I ordered some Diamond leather picks with a cutout hole in the center to help prevent dropping, an issue I have with my hands.  I got a Snark rechargeable clip-on tuner, a great little gadget and simple to operate; and a Music Nomad peg winder which I used when attaching the strings - easy to use.

Point is, I bought a bunch of s__t - how could I not play the damned thing?

I finished the linework, varnished the artwork and began assembling - and that's when I noticed a piece missing from the 'nut.'  You can see the groves meant to keep the strings in place...except the one on the far left, which held in place the string which kept breaking. No telling which event precipitated the other 'cause it didn't matter - I needed to fix it or the string would never stay in place.

Good grief, I shoulda donated it to Goodwill.  No, you'd be sorry. So I went about picking off a teeny piece from a wood shim I had lying around, glued it then sanded the edges with a nail file (far right).

After painting and varnishing it, I couldn't readily identify the repair.  I only hoped it held in place.  I grabbed the High G strings but it took a bit to identify them as G (good) C (cows) E (eat) and A (apples); that's how I remember which is which.

I couldn't find an identical bridge (below) to figure out how to tie the strings on, so unfortunately picked off a little piece which I thought was a glob of my paint.  Only after identifying three other globs of paint did I realize they were supposed to be there in order to wrap the string around and tie a knot.

Unbelievable. No problem, I tied a knot in (again) the far right string and shoved it into that groove; the other three are tied with the knots remaining 'exposed'.  Well, I definitely can't sell it now.

After all that work, I'd be damned if I was going to let something stop me at this point.  It was pretty easy to string the tuning pegs and with help from the Snark I was quickly in tune and ready to play.  Proud of myself,  I grabbed the 'chord diagrams' I'd downloaded from the internet, anxious to hear something other than, "My dog has fleas".

JESUS H...not only were my fingers stunted at birth, arthritis kept me from playing much more than a C chord.  Ok, I can't be the only person with arthritis who wants to play the ukulele (or guitar, for that matter).  I definitely gained much more appreciation of Eric Clapton and the like.

Whaddaya know - someone invented a Chord Changer, and I bought mine through Troubadour Music. I also got the singalong book to accompany the changer buttons.  It's brilliant - you press the button and underneath there's a bar which presses the strings needed to create a chord. (They also make them for guitars, lots more buttons).  I think it even helps protect my 'nut' repair.

You can't play every chord and perhaps it's not as 'pure' as playing with your fingers, but for those of us who have arthritis (or other limiting factor, like patience), it's a great game-changer to have some fun.  I opened the package, strapped it on and began playing immeediately.

Which brings me to the title of this post.  When I was a kid I played the piano, and loved watching Liberace on TV, what a showman.  My parents took me to see him at what was then the Garden State Arts Center, a great outdoor venue in New Jersey (before it became PNC Bank Arts Center, yuk).  Anyway, during his act Liberace got up from the piano, did a bit of a soft-shoe around the stage (accompanied by the orchestra), and belted out,

"I'm not good but I've got guts!"

So I suppose that's become a mantra of mine, for when Rhonda asked me if I was going to play something at our staff meeting I asked,

"Would you like me to?"

"Absolutely."

Original finish

I grabbed the simple Fremont ukulele strap I found at the Ukulele Site in Hawaii, which I was thrilled to discover.  I didn't want a big old camera strap-looking holder like country-western stars; just something to keep me from dropping it, and this is perfect.  It's an adjustable string holder which drapes around the back of the ukulele then up the front to hook inside the 'soundhole'. Inexpensive and adorable, again, I chose black.

I flipped through the songbook until I found something appropriate, which I memorized.  Armed with my strap and the cute paper Lei included with the Chord Changer, and after momentarily freezing like I did as a kid, I began, 

"Oh, give me a home..."

Everyone laughed (as I'd intended) but I wasn't sure if they were the types to actually sing along; so I was pleased, after I cajoled, "Everybody," they all joined in for, 

"Home, home on the range...", it was a beautiful thing, which I dedicated to Dad.

Well, I've too much to do before tomorrow's flight so I can't be bothered with editing this piece.  And since I don't know how to post using either my phone or tablet, imagine I'm singing, "Happy Trails," I'll be back by May 1st.

P.S. I do accept custom orders, so if anyone wants their instrument painted, send me a note on the right, towards the bottom.