An Artist's Tale

I'm still an artist.   I'll always be an artist, albeit starving.  Here's 'Gracie's Pride,' crafted from an 9-inch banana gourd with a separate gourd piece added for the tail. Inspired by my whale-watching, of course.

I'm suppplied by Wuertz Gourd Farm in Arizona, but sometimes people unload what they've been promising themselves they'd use to make birdhouses or whatever, until after too long they're just taking up space, not that I have any extra.

I began painting gourds in Puerto Rico in 1999, I think, seems like forever.  Because of my amblyopia my depth perception is non-existent, so I prefer holding objects over painting on canvas; although I've done a few of those, too.  I can' tell when my paintbrush is close to the surface until it hits; yet I love painting details.  Particularly challenging on a rocking boat.

Fine detail work has become my speciality but also my curse, which I'll lay directly at my late father's feet.  Dad had his own graphic design firm in Manhattan, and during his 'off time' he'd create black-and-white ink drawings, and build and refinish furniture.  As kids we were always going to museums in the city, where Dad would point out minutely detailed objects to appreciate the workmanship involved.  The Cellini Cup was a favorite stop in the Metropolitan Museu of Art.  Here he is during a trip to the Cloisters.  Some fathers teach how to throw a ball; how to fish; how to ski...this is what I learned from Dad.

When I began participating in shows and festivals, I quickly discovered that 99% of people aren't interested in the (blood, sweat and tears) it takes to create art, not just mine, of course. (Here's my prize piece, if you haven't seen it before; and a story of its creation:  My Egg.)

If only I had a nickel for every time someone asked, "How long did it take to make," trying to figure out how much per hour I was expecting.  Miguel told me to reply (at the time): "Fifty years," because it's the sum of my life experiences which made me the artist I am (or was).  Most people laugh in my face.  Pearls before swine, Amy wants to scream.

Intending to paint Christmas ornaments, several months ago I ordered a lot of 30 gourds in a variety of shapes and sizes from Wuertz.  Unfortunately, I always underestimate sizes so they're larger than I typically use for ornaments, with the majority over 5 inches.

Backstory:  I'm not often jealous, but I was of a ceramicist in Old San Juan who worked all year long but only 'showed' her items twice a year.  People flocked to her home, where every room was packed with pricey product, and shoppers practically taking pieces out of each other's hands.  I couldn't afford anything but it was lovely to look, appreciating her detailed hand painting on dinnerware, serving pieces and figurines.  Yellowed newspaper articles touting her work were hung on the walls.  Oh, what a dream that would be.

I've got the yellowed articles but no place to hang them in my RV, so they're in scrapbooks.  That's OK, my college diploma's still rolled up in a mailing tube back in storage.  My ego's been appeased; but the idea of creating all year long at my own pace, without pressure of the holidays - that would be wonderful.

So I'm staring at these gourds, wondering how many Santas I can paint in the next couple months.  I'm a terrible procrastinator; therefore,  It'll be too late for the majority of shoppers (who don't want to spend much $$) so I'll wind up giving most away, again.

I'm compelled to add details and can't seem to 'dumb it down' for shopper's wallets, I've tried for years, so why do I keep setting myself up for aggravation and disappointment?

The straw which broke this camel's back was when I brought my whale in to show my co-workers.  They rarely see me when I'm not working and wonder what I'm doing inside my trailer all the time, so I thought I'd show them.

"How beautiful!  You know, you could get 25 dollars for that."

What can you say; have you seen what's online?  "At least," I sing-songed, then proceeded to explain the layers of glazes applied; modeling paste added for the barnacles and knuckles; carving the extra piece for the tail; I was wasting my breath.

"All you have to do is paint faster," and they could sell in the shop.  My cards have been in there for over a year at reasonable prices, and I've sold less than a handful.  Doesn't exactly inspire confidence.

That's when I decided:  I've been wanting to paint larger figurines and here's my chance.  I get bored painting the same thing over and over and no one's telling me what to paint but me, so what the hell, paint what you want as if it's for yourself.  That'll take extra time compared to cranking out a bunch, but nine times outta ten the first one's the best, and difficult to top.

Lots of gourd artists paint penguins, and I've wanted to, too.  I had a gourd with an ideal shape, so here's MY penguin.  My painting isn't realistic, although I try and try; but that's not the way I paint.  At least I can say they look 'sweet'.

So I'm concentrating on making the 'sweetest' one-of-a-kind figurines and gourdaments that I can, put a decent pricetag on them on my Etsy shop and website and if they sell, they sell; if they don't, they don't.  There'll be plenty of time to give 'em away.

Like many others, I've been disturbed by actions and hate speech proferred against the LGBTQ community.  It's just wrong.  I wanted to do something to show my support, when I remembered how popular my Santas of Color have been in the past; why not paint Santas and Mrs. displaying PRIDE colors? 

I needed to know what colors to use, so I looked up PRIDE flags.  You'll undoubtedly be as surprised as I was at the variety, and admittedly I had to look up most of the definitions, I won't post them here.

People celebrate the holidays differently, and with so many 'blended' families I'm sure it's difficult to find representational Santas.  Here are my Pride and Rasta Santas.

I painted a two-sided gourd (Santa and Mrs C) with transgender colors; only to realize after-the-fact that the faces were not only different sexes but different races...will that make sense?

Sure enough, I found there are Multi-racial Multi-ethnic Transgenders.   Surprise, surprise, surprise, as Gomer Pyle would say.  It may take awhile, but some day I'll make some family very happy.

This one's a reach perhaps:  it's a Nonbinary Santa, the hat incorporating purple, yellow, black and white.  Kinda pretty, dontcha think?

I hope people don't get angry when they stumble upon my Santas online, people can be so nasty when they're Anonymous, but I won't be deterred.  I'll accept special requests if I can, and hope people who disagree with my sentiments just move along to another site, I'm not bothering them, or being offensive.

What a relief, giving myself this gift.  So I'll continue to paint whether or not I earn money, without stress.  Most artists become famous after they're dead anyway, so no pressure there.  All I have to do now is get around to putting them all up on my Etsy shop, I'll post a notice when I do.

Just in case.