Stink Levels and Other Declarations

"Stink level 12 hours after shower without Lume: 5 out of 10; with Lume: 0."

It's bad enough watching Lume's inventor demonstrate how to apply her product between butt cheeks, but when she talks about 'Stink Levels' and passes it off as Scientific Evidence, I crack up every time.

How do you measure someone's stink level?  Talk about a nasty job.  Can't ask a machine to do that if it has no base of reference. The only sentient being I can imagine willing to take that on is a DOG.

The irony, of course, is that if dog-owners use Lume regularly, how will their pets recognize them?  One thing you can count on, whether or not you own one, is a dog sticking its nose in your como-se-llama (when you're wearing nice clothes) to help determoine friend or foe, is that how Lume does it?

The first time I watched a Ballsy commercial for men's Under-Belt Shavers I was in tears of laughter.  At first I thought it was a Saturday Night Live skit, then felt quite naive not to have known that was a thing.  After all this time you'd think I'd have learned, but none of my partners resembled Missing Links.

So OK, I'll own up to the latest announcement to hit the airwaves:  I am a Woman who Poops.  But did you notice that after the first couple airings they blanked out the word POOP, just like they do the word faggot in Dire Strait's "Money for Nothing"?

So what's next: breastfeeding demonstrations, comparing tampons realistically or watching a cystoscopy?  OMG, what a urethral experience...