Cousin Barbara

My cousin Barbara passed away peacefully the other day, June 22nd, her brother Tom was sad to report.  She recently turned 80 and passed rather quickly, as I believe we'd all wish to do.  Barbara, a loving wife, mother and grandmother, sure seemed to enjoy her life, and I'm grateful I took the side-trip to visit her home near Lake Summerset, northern Illinois in 2016.

That Spring, BC and I left Oregon, heading for New Jersey to visit Mom.  Hillary assured me that Mom, with Dementia, was feeling fine; and I knew that in my sister she received the best home care.

But something inside kept telling me to go visit before she completely forgot who I was.  I didn't know how long I'd be gone, perhaps permanently; so I swapped my 33' motorhome, too large to drive, for a more manageable 21' motorhome, and BC and I hit the road.

I rarely posted stories while traveling cross-country.  Most of the time I was subconsciously fretting that (1) my 1992 Winnebago didn't break down, and (2) that I'd find a safe and affordable place to stop for the night.  By the time we finally did stop moving and set up for the night, I simply vegged.  Meaning I never wrote about this visit with Barbara and Don, so it'll be new for us all.

1965 Greenpoint

Barbara's mother, Helen, was my father's only sister (r).  They grew up in the Greenpoint section of Brooklyn, made up of Polish and other Eastern European immigrants.  It's turning chichi now.

Around 1957 Aunt Helen, Uncle George and cousins Tom and Barbara moved from New York to Phoenix.  It was hard on Grandma for they were very close; but some years following Grandpa's death, Aunt Helen returned to NY to help pack up Grandma, who lived with their family until her death.

1956 Grandma's roses

I'm not sure when Barbara moved to Illinois, but I do know that the few times I visited my Aunt over the years (as a teen and later a married woman) Barbara was not there.  Tom was, and I also saw him during my 2013 cross-country trip; so I wanted to visit Barbara for sure.  Here's my Aunt, Grandma, baby me and Barbara.  My point:  I hadn't seen Barbara in least 40-50 years, and if I did I don't remember. 

 

After Dad died,  Aunt Helen made a point to stay in touch no matter where I lived; keeping me informed of her family's doin's in cards, letters and photos (which I've kept).  She sent this picture of Barbara and herself with the back inscribed, "Barbara & her Mom, Aug 2001."

I still lived on the boat when Aunt H. passed, and over the years I've reconnected with my cousins.  Around 2014 I'd been researching our geneaology and found new clues; Tom said Barbara had much of their mother's family paperwork so I was peppering her with questions.  Tom did additional research and put it all together in a comprehensive family album with stories, nice.  Many of us regret not asking our parents more questions when we had the chance.

So back to my trip:  I was thrilled Barbara invited me to visit with them for a few days when I mentioned I'd be taking  the northern route.  It was always such a treat to be in someone's home after days of Walmart parking lots and interstate rest areas.

Barbara and Don's three daughters were grown and out on their own, and their home was in a private community.  I remember one of my shock absorbers began squeaking at that time, and I was embarassed while driving through their quiet neighborhood, sounding like the Clampetts.

This closely-knit clan lived in relative proximity to one another, which pleased Barbara, of course.  She was about to spend several days helping one daughter move in to Chicago; which made her a bit nervous but no less supportive.

When I arrived, Barbara immediately threw open her arms and welcomed me with such familial love.   I prayed BC and I would both behave admirably and I think for the most part we did.

One of my goals traversing the States was to unload items of value with friends and family; since everything'll only wind up in a thrift shop or garbage when I'm gone.   It was difficult, for I received similar replies,

"Andrea, our kids don't want our stuff let alone your stuff!"

What DID finally intrigue Barbara were a couple of Coach handbags from my working days, including a beautiful black tote, now considered 'vintage.'  I'm a purse-a-holic but only use a couple of favorites, and since one daughter collects them as well, I know they've got a good home.  That's all I want.

I did manage to leave behind one of my prize gourds (l), which, because it was fragile, I feared would be smashed by my lifestyle.  I remember advising her,

"Tell your children not to get rid of this until after I'm dead," in case my artwork increases in value.  It's possible that, if they're reading this, Catherine, Ellen and Joanna are putting two-and-two together.

I travelled with my paints, touching up people's furniture and artwork.  I felt like the traveling cobbler, earning my keep along the way.  BC would patiently wait nearby, we were a good team.

Lucky for us all, there was a piece of furniture (below) which had been in Don's family for some time.  Unfortunately, some of the hand-painted decoration had become damaged over time.

Some fellow had attempted a restoration which did not please Don (bottom left); so I asked if he'd like me to fix it.  My work (bottom right) was closer to the original design (top right), and Don was happy with the end result.

It was a lovely visit.   I was made to feel so welcome, considering I dropped out of the sky.  Barb and Don took me out on the lake in their party-boat, meandering past lakeside-homes.  It seemed to me they were thoroughly enjoying their lives, that's always nice to see.

I once teased Barbara by calling her 'Babs' and she almost wrung my neck.  I momentarily considered naming this title differently, but I couldn't do that to her.  Not after she was so sweet to me.

While it is sad my cousin is gone, it is nice to know she had a rich, rewarding life.  My love and condolences go out to our entire extended family, we'll all miss her very much.

Until we meet again, Babs!  Love you.