"COURAGE...is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway." John Wayne

Oct 11, 2017


The most disgusting sensory experience I’ve had up to this point occurred in an elevator in NYC.  After years of military (wife) life I’d landed in the Big Apple, and finally busted out of the secretarial pool. My boss and I were returning from a business lunch with a vendor, who shook our hands as we parted.

During that instant…let’s see if I can describe this properly…he took his middle finger and lightly traced it back and forth against my palm.

AAAAHHHHH!!!! Even now it gives me the willies. That Trumps the hand that got shoved between my rear cheeks in Junior High; the adult church go-er at a party who held me in the pool and wouldn’t let go when I was 8 or 9?;  the slimy bus riders who pretend to be sleeping as they fall all over you…

Oct 6, 2017

The Girl Who Cried Wolf

I quit! I just finished bawling like a babe because I’m so inept at social media, I'm not even able to retrieve and enter the CODE to finish setting up a FACEBOOK account. Why open a page when I’m so loathe to the idea?

"They say" it’ll be helpful promoting a SPECIFIC CHARITABLE CAUSEHelp Puerto Rico’s artists.  Why? Because they are KEY TO SAVING THE ISLAND'S HERITAGE following the devastation of Hurricane Maria.

I established the fundraiser through GoFundMeto provide $250 for up to 1,000 of Puerto Rico’s formally certified Artesans to help purchase art supplies and equipment I lived and worked among them for over a decade; and cannot imagine my entire studio destroyed and having to start over. Who can justify art supplies when they’re trying to obtain even the basics to survive?

Frustration appears at every turn. It is impossible to even upload a photo of myself as the campaign manager without it 'snagging' my Facebook photo. Why bother?

“Oh, another of Andrea’s lost causes.” Nice try, gal, but no one’s REALLY interested; any more than with economic inequity and blatant housing discrimination. Besides,  the day I was finally happy with my presentation, the Las Vegas shooting changed the course of Search Engine Spiders yet again.

It's unfair their help depends on my Friends, especially if I'm just getting started on FB. My Live friends assure me my reasoning is sound and the motive admirable; but the numbers of Looks, Shares and Hearts indicate otherwise.

A hot shower stopped the tears but not Amy’s aggravation. “Why get all upset over something which is supposed to be a good thing?  Pull up your big-girl panties and make some decisions.”

OK, first up: don’t torture myself with Facebook. THAT is lost cause. Tweaking and checking throughout the day when I don't even own an I-Phone?  My pea-brain just can’t comprehend this nightmare.

I started rolling this ball, but other socially-conscious people will either keep alive or kill this chance to help Artesans and Puerto Rico's culture. 

Otherwise, well, they'll all just have to move here.

Oct 3, 2017


A Bottom-feeding, scum-sucking LOSER.  Don’t give him a name; and for God's sake don’t, as I heard one official call him, DON’T CALL HIM A GENTLEMAN. My off-the-cuff theory, based on initial information (his age; and a young gal of foreign descent):

He was SUCH a loser, he couldn’t even hang on to a mail-order bride. So he figured if he went out in a blaze of glory, she’d be sorry.

No one is safe from these idiots who probably have toilet paper hanging from their pants all the time, but we CAN change that.

We celebrate these warped, pimple-picking sickos by talking about their lives in interview after interview. As with all things it will be difficult the first time we finally stand together and scream,


All we’re doing is planting a seed in whatever disease-riddled mass lies inside ANOTHER toe-cheese snacker'sMake Me Great cap.

I’m no longer considering attending the Austin City Limits celebrations this month because of this. Not that I’m scared of terrorists; I’m scared of the next idiot who’ll want to top the “Number One Worst Mass Shooter” list.  NO-LIFERS who know they’ll be in the news, at least for a time.

I suggest news organizations launch Send Us Your Worst Name contests. It might help prevent a future tragedy if someone knows they’ll be called the most vile names and simply embarrass themselves.

So come on, folks; I’ll even turn my Moderation control OFF and you can see your words immediately. Something involving hemorrhoids perhaps. But be warned, if this gets too raunchy I'm turning it back ON. After all, we want their Mothers to be able to read.

END THESE NIGHTMARES before someone YOU love is hurt.

God Bless Us, every one!

Sep 26, 2017

Pet Peeves

Pet peeves...we've all got 'em. Numero Uno in my book: I can't stand those little bits of paper which remain after you've pulled the page out of a spiral notebook. Annoying, picking and pulling until I finally grab the scissors, since I can't tear along perforated lines for shit.

English language four-paws, sorry, faux-pas, annoyed my parents (also on my list: Words the computer corrects for me). Dad absolutely loathed,

"I wuz gonna."  Drove the man nuts whenever I said it, so naturally...

One day Mom abruptly stood up and turned off the television, declaring as she strode towards the box,

"NO! I will NOT "Toon in to da nooze!"

Sure, we were Noo Yawkers, but Mom beat the accent out of us growing up. So it annoys me now that in formal interviews, people under a certain age seem NOT to be able to form their answer without first replying,


Have you noticed, or is it just me?  Since I don't have grandchildren to ask, I'm guessing it's a form of recognition: they've heard the words so Yeah, they're paying attention; but based on some answers they clearly don't understand their meaning.

Kinda like listening to the President, yeah? Only I can't pay attention to his words, because the thing which makes me nuts while watching him is how he gestures effeminately with his

Original gourd art designs Copyright 2016 Andrea Jansen Designs. Please write for permission.