'Triggers'

My $750 car repair morphed into $2,200 when I picked it up last Wednesday.  This, after plunking down $3800 three months ago.  Hate to do the math, but that's $2,000 more than I paid for it in 2018 and about one-half of my annual Social Security.  Ouch is right.

But I'm feeling pretty good, considering the considerable hit my budget just took.  It's a good car, my 2004 Volvo, with about 160,000 miles on it; I've been told more than once they're good for 200,000 at least.

But I knew that, for I once owned a 1979 Volvo, built like a tank.  Ex-man #1 and I were returning from our first tour in Europe, and like so many other servicemembers, we bought a new car and had it shipped directly to the States, tax free, I think it was.  We'd gone through five cars in three years living in Kaiserslautern, W. Germany.  I worked in the MP Station Traffic Section, and it seemed I was always filling out a report for myself, although not all the cars were totalled.

The 1969 VW bug we shipped to Germany had belonged to Wally (now deceased) before we married.  It was already pretty banged up from minor smacks when shortly after our wedding, one hot New Jersey night, we'd stopped for ice cream cones.  Driving home the car in front stopped suddenly and Wally hit him; not very hard, but you couldn't go very fast along the beach.

We didn't wear seat belts of course, and while Wally hit the steering wheel I went head-first into the windshield, giving it a good smack.  Once my groom righted himself he turned, saw the cracked glass and reached for my head, still face down in front of the dash.

As he would tell it, his hands felt wet as he touched the sides of my face and, frightened, thought, "Oh my God, I've disfigured her!"

Until he heard, "F____g  ICE CREAM!!"  Yep, I'd grabbed the handle above the glove box, and on its way to the windshield my face went straight into my double-scooped.

Anyway, that kind of 'tap' seemed to happen all the time; so by the time it arrived in Germany it looked rough enough that the Provost Marshall left a copy of Grainger's catalog on my desk; should've kept it.  I'm dusting off old memories...how did it go?  

Oh yeah, we needed a second car because I worked in K'town and the missle base was on top of the mountain; we lived 1/2-way between.  I'd been catching the local bus to work and was thrilled to hear a friend from the base was being redeployed and selling his car. It was December, and they were on their way to register the car:  Frank in our VW and Wally driving Frank's car; which made sense to them considering the beerfest they'd just had when they stopped at a Gasthaus for lunch.

Wally slid on some ice, crashed Frank's car into a telephone pole and was picked up by the Polizei for DWI and destruction of property.  After an eventful night they turned him over to the military, and  I became the sole driver for a very long year.  When Wally got his license back we bought a car totally unsuitable for European driving, both size-and-gas-wise.

It was a beast; something like an old Chrysler Imperial, 4-doors.  I remember backing out of the parking space one afternoon, turning and looking towards the left, when the right side of the car drove up onto the door of the car in the adjacent space. The MP owner was very nice and said not to worry, the damage wasn't bad; but the incident haunts me still in crowded parking lots.  Eventually, one evening parked outside the apartment, half up on the sidewalk as they do, a drunk driver plowed into and totaled it.  

At some point the bug gave out and we bought old VW wagon which was so rusted, there was a sizeable hole straight through the floorboard (driver's side), which made for some chilly rides.  Poor thing, I don't remember what happened to it, but something.

Next was my favorite:  a four-door Audi with the softest Flokati seat covers, a very comfortable ride.  I felt badly when, after we left, we heard that the transmission dropped, or something.  It had been running just fine, can't explain what happened, and we felt badly, but what are you gonna do?  I see that even this car had a ding in the hood.

Maybe my transmission trouble 3 months ago was payback.

Months before leaving Germany we went around to different dealerships looking at new models.  We had a bunch of Savings Bonds which Wally's Dad offered to redeem, so we had cash in our pockets.  As Wally was being shown around the showroom I walked over to a kiosk and watched a video about Volvo's safety features.  I watched a car being smashed from all sides plus the top, but the occupants were safe inside their 'steel cage.'

"THIS IS THE CAR I WANT," so that's how we ordered a 1979-242, like this one.  I really liked the slate-blue color Volvo had been using so was disappointed to instead discover this baby-blue on the loading dock in Newark, but I got used to it.  It had a sun roof and was comfortable; and besides, for my birthday we bought a '79 MG Midget for me. 

Trigger

Fast-forward, so I'm paying through the nose for my current car's repairs, but I'd still rather pay the credit card than have a monstrous car payment.  The last time I financed a car was in the '80s, $167 a month for a Honda I called Trigger.  I loved that car and doubt I could get a payment so low nowadays, which would be hard to afford anyway.  Should the car be irreparable, I weighed buying another or just calling a cab and taking the bus for the few times I actually GO somewhere.

The entire steering column mechanism needed replacing and Volvo has discontinued the part.  But the mechanics found one and they managed to put it on.  When I was paying the bill I heard, "What a job that was," in an honest, still pleasant, way; explaining the part is originally assembled on the line before the top half of the engine, then the chassis, or something; but they were successful.  They kept me updated, and after the 3rd quote of $2,100, then hearing about the additional work required, I told myself to expect $3,000; anything less is good.

It took about 10 days from the time I dropped off my latest Trigger until pickup; which gave me time to get used to the price.  I rationalized and justified for days until I decided it would indeed be worth the repairs; and when I finally picked it up their final quotation remained unchanged.  I asked,

"The last time I was here (transmission having to be flushed 3 times was only one thing) I asked if I would be welcomed back and you said 'Yes.'  If I ask the same question now will I get the same answer?"

"Of course!"  They can spot a cash cow, I tell myself not to be cynical, for they are good mechanics and many here use them - it's not their fault I've neglected servicing for years.  It's a good car, and if I want to travel any distance, I can always take a plane. 

Unable to Do 'Simple'

So this post covers a couple of P.S.'s, like my Oyster Shell Sip-n-Paint class on the 4th and the local Member Show piece on the left, submitted the 6th.

I'll begin with the Sip-n-Paint, which was a terrific success.  I'm blurring faces so you can't clearly see their smiles, but trust me, they were there.

I enjoy this kind of thing, teaching crafts and simple painting; been doing it for decades.  Someone called it my 'comfort zone,' I suppose that's true.  It's not life-threatening (to anyone else) and supposed to be FUN, I remind my audience.

I was drinking water.

I began with, "How many have held a paintbrush before...or a pencil?  If you haven't held a pencil, I don't know what to say," and we were off and running.

"What inspired you to become an artist?"

Momentarily stunned into silence by this little girl's eloquent query afterwards, I had to quickly squash Amy from sarcastically blurting out,

"I was f____g starving!" which sounds like an oxy-moronic comparison, but it was true.  It took lots of hard work to become a Starving Artist.

So I answered, "I began with crafts; yes, crafting, which led to other things." (Left: the Mimosa Bunch)

In Puerto Rico I didn't speak the language so I couldn't apply for a job in my old field: Purchasing; nor did I want to.  That wasn't part of the dream.  But we needed money so I managed to clerk at a grocery store, stocking shelves and other duties; hardest work I've ever done for such little pay, not counting being an Artist.

Sip-n-Paint Birthday

In my spare time I kept practicing my painting and began selling pieces in kite shop Volantines.   THIS was the plan back in Oregon: me, painting on some island like Gauguin in French Polynesia.  I never expected to be baking 110 loaves of bread on a Saturday morning (my humble beginnings on the island, Parguera Then and Now.)

Varnished shells

I took a chance and applied to Michaels Craft Store in Mayaguez to become a European folk-art instructor, of all things, and they enthusiastically said, Yes.  Flying by the seat of my pants, certainly; but what I lacked in experience I made up with enthusiasm and encouragement.

And that's what I brought to our little Oyster Shell Sip-n-Paint.  A good time was had by all; for after all, it didn't cost them a dime.

I don't do this stuff on a regular basis, which probably has something to do with my enjoyment. That, and my livlihood doesn't depend on it.  It's especially gratifying to teach children, for they're free from any constrictions we learn as we grow up.

So I learned another skill, which I'm considering peddling to local hotels.  We've got loads of them and oyster shells and it sounds like a good idea, I know.  I could probably make some decent money and have already begun a flyer, but I'm still formulating what I really want to do.

But if money wasn't a crunch, would I still pursue this avenue?  And what price am I willing to quote?  There's loads of competition out there and I've had decades of trying out my 'good ideas' with plenty of compliments, limited success and, for the most part, poverty.  And let me tell you, it's exhausting and demoralizing.  At 70, do I want more of that?

So in which direction, I must decide, do I want my future to head?  After all, it's not as if I have all the time in the world anymore; but then again, as my old boss Marc would say, "You may get hit by a bus tomorrow."  Perspective.

I recently explained to a co-Workamper that whatever price I decide to charge for pieces entered in this years Member Show, the Arts Center gets 40%.  How much do I think I'm worth, or willing to settle for?  I remembered gallery partner Alberto, who made jewelry, decry, "Anything less and I give it away!"  Tourists were always bargaining in Puerto Rico as if in a Third-World Country.

I'd have time to decide, I thought, for my pieces didn't have to be submitted until some time in September.  I thought to get a jump on things and headed to Goodwill for a suitable framed canvas, they always have different sizes; matted; glass or no.  I explained to Rosemary what I was hoping to find and after less than 5 minutes met up with her to show off my treasure:  an 18" x 30" framed board, not a canvas (I hate painting on canvases).

I'll try to condense this:  I'd been looking at last year's show which, because of some delay, didn't begin until the fall.  I called the last week in June to confirm the September date, since I couldn't find the same page online, and was told, "No," this year's pieces needed to be submitted by Sunday, July 5th...no, the 6th...NOT in September.

Holy crap!  I knew I could get my idea down in about a week but that's with really hustling.  I'd decided, since the theme of the show was Pathways, that I'd do something I'd wanted to do for some time:  recreate the scene I painted on my teardrop (above), sold in '24, which was based on a poster hanging in my bedroom as a kid.  There was a hippie girl with a backpack, sitting on the curb, her back to the viewer - I can picture it as if it were in front of me now.  The expression was,

"I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way."

That was back in 1972 but the saying has unknowingly guided my path through life.  I've been thinking of that quite a bit these past weeks, and decided that though I may be poor, one breakdown away from living on the street, the intangible treasures gained throughout my rough-and-tumble life have served me well.

It may not have been profitable, but at least life hasn't been boring, and I'm not through yet!

Anyway, that was the plan.  So while simultaneously preparing my Sip-n-Paint, THIS spent most of the day sitting in the middle of my RV, just like my Seashell Mirror, for over a week.  I've never claimed to be an exemplary artist, but I've got my own style which some find 'charming.'

I figured it would be easy since, technically, I've already done it; but it was never meant to be an exact replica.  I've tried duplicating my one-of-a-kind gourds and it can't be done.  It's not simply the paint and brushes, but the mood of the artist.  I'm in a different place now than I was when I painted the teardrop in 2021.

Bue before I could begin, I had to pull the warped board away from the frame, and then try and flatten it out.  I was about 70% successful but figured I'd staple the board to the back of the frame, I still had time to figure that out.

I've also been transcribing my journals from the Ruff Life days and recently found one criticism by the Captain,

"You paint too slow," uttered before a show when I had dozens of blank, carved gourds to finish in little time.

That's always been my problem as an artist - I can't do Simple; I simply can't.  Most artists would agree that it's tough to know when a painting is truly finished and when it needs a bit more.  For me that's after stepping away from a project for some time then coming back with a fresh perspective.

Only I didn't have the time.  So I'd sometimes get up at 2am to add details which needed drying prior to the morning's work.

"Enough is enough," I chided myself, "put it against the frame and see where you want to add meandering vines" out of the painting and on to the frame; I love painting trompe l'oeil, or fool the eye.

I wasn't going to varnish the painting inside of the frame so now one project morphed into two.  I was trying to create an extension of the wooden gate and kept shooting myself in the foot.  Yes, it looks terrific but it was a pain in the como-se-llama.

Here's the start of the ivy, at least the 'shadow' ivy.  The darker photos are the ones from the middle of the night.  I've also added the dove and more details on the plants in the front.

"That looks good," but needs more.

Shoot, why did I waste my time on the flowerpots, which I only covered up?  That's how I paint.

"STOP" Out of time plus the board's warping again.

Putting it inside the frame was a production I'll hopefully never have to replay.  The staples were first too short but the longer ones held. Ka-Chunk, Ka-Chunk, all around the back.

But when I flipped it over I discovered some of the staples came through the front.  HELL - good thing I allowed all-day Sunday (after the Sip-n-Paint Saturday) to assemble the frame.

I'd cover them somehow, but what about the back?  Will it go "BOING!!" in the middle of the show?

I'd located a 1" x 1" scrap in my closet and discovered it would work horizontally across the back - terrific!  Cut it and it was perfect.

Except on Sunday morning I saw that the scrap was actually spreading the frame.  I cut it a second time without measuring (I knw, measure twice...), I knew better, and yep, it was too short.  Went through this-and-that before sticking some Velcro pieces on either end; and then spreading wood glue along the edges. I hoped that wouldn't drip through to the front while placing my sewing machine on the back.

It all worked; I went to attach the hardware for the framing wire to my pre-drilled holes; which were now towards the bottom of the frame.  Turned out a large push-pin easily poked holes, I don't know what kind of wood that is, and I filled the first holes.

I covered the staples, which were against the edges, with modeling paste and painted the patches to resemble moss; you can't even tell unless you ZOOM.  I liked the mistake-turned-interesting effect, and balanced it throughout the frame by streaking moss green.  Voila. 

Monday morning I dropped off "On My Way, a Self Portrait," along with Safari Carousel, painted 20 years ago; a better representation, I felt, of my ability as an artist.

Wouldn't you know, as I was signing in I saw a stack of colorful advertisements and the word Transformations.

"What's that?" I began when the docet said, "This year's theme."

"What happened to Pathways?!"

"That was last year."

I felt like an idiot, but as she reminded me, it isn't required to follow the theme, and besides, my painting would work just as well.

Now, after all this, how much would YOU charge?  I'm not telling, but I will say I'm not giving my pieces away.  If they don't sell I'm happy to keep them, since they are a couple of favorites.  Just hoping to Goodness the painting remains together throughout the show.

So If Our Elections Have Been So Screwed Up, then Trump Isn't Really the President

I just listened to Trump's entire speech - had to flip to Fox News because other networks turned away early rather than broadcast the President's incessant lies.

The Administration keeps saying that Trump has fixed things this term that NO OTHER PRESIDENT WAS WILLING OR ABLE TO DO.  Since HE was one of those earlier Presidents, that includes him, too.

Basically he spoke about all sorts of terrible-sounding illegal actions perpetrated against our election system by others.  Elections have been entirely corrupt, he claims, so how does he explain how Republicans won the House, Senate and the White House in 2024?

How dumb does he think we are?  Of course he started off touting the economy: no tax on overtime pay, tips or Social Security.  That only applies to people who have decent Social Security checks.  The rest of us, because our SS isn't taxed because it's already so low, get no assistance.  No additional Food Stamps to help offset his price increases; and by throwing off how many of us from Medicaid and SNAP.

It's all I can do to speak pleasantly to people who arrive in the park in what I call their 'Conspicuous Consumption' vehicles:  new monster motor homes with expensive tow vehicles in matching colors.  Come in like they own the place.  Bunch of pigs...

...but I keep my mouth shut and play Hospitality.

As to the speech, I'll wait until other people read his de-classified documents, identify any new evidence and enlighten (me) to what's what.  Trump is counting on the fact that his base, et al, only believe his words and not the truth, which even Fox News is questioning.

Regardless of anything between my first paragraph and the last, please explain how the 2024 elections were on the up-and-up, but not before or after.

P.S., next morning:  Poorly composed, but how much effort should I waste on a man so desperate to polish his tarnished image that he'll do anything, except help the People.  His ending plea was to PLEASE, PLEASE pass the SAVE act, which the Republicans in the Senate won't support (as well as 99.9% Democrats) because it's a BAD BILL, plain and simple.  It's the kind of thing that once it's rung (or passed) it can't be unrung.

How Is It OK?

How is it OK for Skinheads without Badges, dressed up as ICE agents, to shoot another person on our streets simply because of their skin shade?

"They weren't the ones ICE was looking for," but they were brown nevertheless.

Have you watched some of the videos of multiple ICE officers beating people in broad daylight?  They act with impunity; and will have their official Call to Arms on Thursday when Trump delivers his speech to the nation declaring why we won't be able to vote in November.

You watch.

How is it OK for the President to spend all that money, our money, on retrofitting his 'free' Air Force One, which he'll take with him?  Now he's messing with the columns on the White House, whaddaya wanna bet they'll have tacky gold accents, or gold circles with Trump's profile?  Ugh.  And why do we want a 250-foot Triumphal Arch to compete with Arlington Cemetary?

How is it OK for Trump to ignore our pleas for lower prices for this-and-that?  Gas went down a bit but it's going back up, thanks to crackerjack negotiators Kushner and Witkoff, who orchestrated the MOU in-between private business deals.  And what's with the Trump gas stations; subsidizing the owners?  If that's not an example of Socialism, I don't know what is, the hypocrite.

And now the U.S. will charge 20 percent as the Guardian Angel of the Strait but Iran is making a counter-offer, can't make this up.  I don't see how they can do anything other than completely wipe out the country, killing everyone, to assure the Strait remains open, am I wrong?  Ground forces are the minimum...

How is it OK for federal agents to go to journalist's homes to seize computers or serve papers for simply doing their jobs.  What a blatent intimidation tactic.  What about the children in the homes?  I can't imagine opening the door at 8 yrs old to big bruisers in combat gear, can you?

The Housing Bill was finally made law by sitting in the Oval Office (or wherever) for 10 days; since Trump refused to sign it.  So he damned well better not claim any credit for new construction of  lower income homes.

Greed, graft and glorification of our egotistical leader, how is that OK?  There must be plenty of investors of Trump's bit coins who aren't so happy about losing money.  Trump doesn't care.

How is it OK to start the war again but using today as Day 1 before Congress can declare war, again?  He's so shady, the way he spins things...like the ridiculous reason he gave for using the old Air Force One (the part about giving some people in England a thrill).

How is it so many people continue to support this kind of person despite any deplorable act he commits?  If he rapes a baby on the White House lawn, claiming it'll be good for the soil, would that be OK, too?  Don't tell me that'll never happen - we've seen too many examples of his previous unbelievable, unprecedented actions.

I could go on and on with bad examples...how is that OK?

I Mean, In the Beginning of Every Sentence?

I mean, over the years I've resisted the popular catch word or phrase like cool, wicked and Bucket List because I despise conformity.

I mean, for a while every response to any question or comment during any interview began, 'Yes," even if the answer was eventually, "No."  I mean, I mean is today's popular verbal tic, drives me nuts.

I mean expresses what, exactly?  If an idea was expressed in some obscure manner, I mean would make sense if then followed by a literal translation.  I mean, to put these unnecessary words at the beginning of a sentence seems to differentiate between the times we didn't want to know what they mean?

32 Years

Tino and I married on this date in 1994, one of the happiest days in my life.  He passed unexpectedly 3 months later; which is when the old Andrea died and her shell began walking.  For 32 years I've been trying to fill it, or at least bring back some of my old Umph, Mom would call it.  Happy to report that's going well.

I'm no longer weepy and have accepted the loss; and, most importantly, learned that Grief never leaves but it does change over time.

You never get over it, but you can get past it.