If it's Not One Thing it's an Udder

“Yeah, I’ll admit it.  I put the mooooove on Angie Milkums at the International Forum on Methane Reduction last month."

“Careful what you say, King…see that camera?  Next thing you know you’re on Moo Tube. Do you know that chick?”

“No, I don't, Bill.  We just finished an interview, but I don’t know her.”

“What did you say?”

“I told her my plans to make this Stockyard great again.  First Prize Asses have been running the show for far too long.

"Numero uno, we've got to keep those Rabbits from hopping the barrier, and make stew out of the ones already here.  Everyone knows they’re mean, they’re lazy and they breed like you know who’s. I'm gonna build a wall SO HUGE around their hutch they'll never make it over the top, and we'll build it using THEIR DROPPINGS.  We’re not wasting one cow paddy to contain this problem.  And another thing,

"NO MORE LLAMAS!!"

Enough of those radicals have slipped through our paddocks already; infiltrating our yards; pretending to be Alpacas.  We feed 'em, house 'em, train 'em and they turn around and spit at us?  Horse apples!  PEN THEM ALL, regardless of breed.”

“So, King, I hear you’ll be judging the Heifers this year.  Any tips for the contestants?”

“Not really.  Just swish your tail and show as much teats and hooves as possible.

"WHO SAID THAT?!  Who said mine are tiny?  Do these hooves look small to you?  Hey, check out the udders on that Holstein!  I’d like to poke a longhorn in her rump, let me tell you. I could get away with it, too.”

“King, the mike’s on.”

“C’mon, it’s only bullpen bellow.  Ok, ok, then how 'bout just a sniff?"

“mmmmmmmMMMMMMmmmmmmm”