"What a wonder life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner." Colette

May 14, 2018

This One's Not Easy

I'm fighting a migraine which is making almost everything else seem gloomy, despite the beautiful morning. I know you prefer the light, funny stuff and trust me, I prefer writing them, too; but today is the kick-off for Martin Luther King's revived Poor People's Campaign, and considering my circumstances I'd better do my part to keep the story going. I'm not going to Salem today, which is disappointing because the first week focuses on women, children and the handicapped; but hopefully I'll make it for the conclusion in 40 days.

Since I found a car - yeah! I couldn't get a loan for less than $2-3,000, and at 20% I wasn't willing to take on that debt; so it took every dime I had. You don't know how grateful I was it had 1/2 a tank of gasoline; another selling point. Enough to get home and sit put until my next social security check on the 3rd.

Due to 'Po Folk Car Shopping, I learned my credit today is likely worse than it was, last week, if that's possible; because when BMW was trying to find me financing for a car I couldn't afford, they might have hit 17 banks before one said, Yes; and all those empty pings pinged my score closer to Hades.

I said this wasn't easy because I'm laying out my stupidity for all the world to see.  The pride's pretty much gone; and the ONLY reason I'm writing this is to bring understanding to those of us clinging on to what little we have left. Putting a face on the problem.

More than once in my life I've been accused of being overly-sensitive or too emotional, as if those are character flaws. Maybe my critics are correct, because I had something come back and bite me in my como-se-llama just the other day.

Remember Polka Dot, who announced herself as my replacement? Well, she either misunderstood or didn't listen to my words, for believing she would be responsible for tossing me out on to the street she paid to stay in her current locale for another month.

On Saturday I learned the park officials are all pissed at me, thinking I drove her off. "They had to track her down," I was told. She'd said something about me and, "2 or 3 months," which made no sense to me, either.  Amy explained my side to the Ranger: after all, Dot came up to me...I didn't want to talk to her especially, but she kept asking where I was going and what I'd be doing. Since I don't know myself, I told her so.

As the Ranger spoke and I read his facial expressions I came to suspect that something had been amiss even before Dot showed up. They haven't been able to find enough Camp Hosts this season and I was told they passed up a 'perfect couple' to accept me, so that's my fault, too.

"No one is more disappointed than I am to discover I can't do the physical tasks necessary (without great pain). That severely limits my prospects." It hurts getting older, dammit!

"All this time I've been told, You're doing fine. Appreciate you staying.' And now I learn I've been using this place and contact information on my resume, and the office is pissed at me? Jesus...what an idiot!"

Wonder what might'uv.  We're not supposed to cuss, but just like the incident involving the kid and the supermarket shelving, my language might not be perfect but it has SIGNIFICANTLY IMPROVED. Still, not 'good enough' for some.

Bottom line, I had my 'high' of a car purchase, finally; followed by the inevitable 'low', which I've gotten used to. I just can't seem to have something good happen without getting smacked in the face from another direction.

Yesterday I said to the Ranger,

"You know, Dot's out the money in any event, so there's really no reason why she can't start sooner, if she still wants the position. I would."

He thought it was a good suggestion, so we'll see.  Stay tuned...

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