Resolutions

I’m having ‘Sisterly’ problems right now, and they’re not necessarily related.  To me.

Men can’t truly understand this phenomenon.  We befriend total strangers; someone at the office, waiting for a school child.  I hope I’m not being too prejudicial when I say, in general, we women are not particularly threatening unless defending our own, so we easily fall into fast friendships which, if we’re not careful, becomes a double-edged sword.

Throughout our lives, unconsciously, perhaps, we search for characteristics of the ideal Whatever: Sisters, Mothers, Grandmothers, Aunts.  Confidants who love us unconditionally.  That’s really hard to find, especially since those qualities are often accompanied by judgemental elements.  FYI, you don’t have to be Jewish to have such guilt.

I was, unbelievably, in the big WM the day after Christmas; not for the sales, but I needed to return something in order to get some quick cash.  It happens.  Anyway, I overheard a woman, 30-ish, speaking about some social network.

"I only have 37 friends," she said in a dejected tone.  Was she kidding?  My thoughts paused as my feet continued, dwelling on an old Sociology Professor who drew concentric circles on the blackboard.  I don't guess they do that anymore.

It’s been a long time, so bear with me.  In the outer ring he placed chalk dots all over the place; these represented our Acquaintances.  Neighbors, service people, distant relatives; you’re friendly, but don’t particularly share anything of consequence over the water cooler.  If questioned by the police, you don’t really know them at all.

Then comes Friends: Church groups; sports teams; your cubicle mate.  You share something, and it’s often where the Pecking Order begins.  You feel comfortable; sharing feels good, and you confide a bit in anticipation of becoming even closer.

Fewer dots go on to become Good Friends; possibly referred to nowadays as BFF’s or some other acronym.    But anyone who’s gone through a divorce or other life-altering event will confirm they often scatter like cockroaches, culling down those who make it into your inner circle.

Your TRUE Friends; confidants, and if you’re lucky there will be more than one surrounding your center.  Thirty-seven friends?  A lucky woman indeed.

What I’ve been having such a difficult time accepting the past few years is that those I once considered my inner circle have moved outward.  They’re not even in my Good Friend ring anymore, and I’ve fretted that I’ve somehow pushed them away.

But that woman made me reconsider Friendship, and what it means to me.  More than a sound bite now and then, for sure.  I must admit, I find it hard to delete email Addressee’s who’ve stopped communicating long ago, but Hope Springs Eternal.  Call me odd, but I'm afraid I need more than texts, posts and links to outside interests which interest me not in the least, and if they knew me at all they'd already know that.  You know, the human factor.

But boo-hoo, that's apparently what SHARE-ing has become.  They may make a lasting impression, but shared memories alone do not, I've learned, a lasting friendship make.

My current sisterly-troubles will be resolved; hopefully one will move closer; the other I'll be pushing further away.  So my New Year’s Resolution is to make New Friends of all persuasions, and I wish for my Old to receive many, many more as well.

I hope I've become a Better Friend.  Want to be mine?