If In Doubt, DON'T

I had an abortion in 1974; there, it's out there. I've been hesitant in the past because there were still family members alive with heartfelt, religious convictions whom I didn't want to offend or upset by accident.

I was 19, newly married and couldn't find my butt with both hands, although I swore differently at the time.  I was extremely naïve about Sex and Stuff, since the only advice Mom gave, common at the time, was, "Wait until you're married." Yet all of a sudden, there I was in the Family Way when I was barely old enough to vote.

My memory is a bit shaky about the details, but certain moments stand out through time, like the sing-song telephone call from the military hospital:

"Mrs. (Jones-y)...it's pos-i-tive...you're preg-nant!"

"Oh, thank you," my Ex heard my deadpan response on the extension. He wouldn't have minded, having grown up in a large family with lots of children around, but I was in shock because I'd never wanted any.  Before you criticize, if this were today I'd probably have asked my parents to become an Andrew.

I can't even recall if we'd discussed having children prior to that; certainly not seriously. We kept the news to ourselves while we decided what we wanted to do, during which time we took a weekend trip to visit some friends.

Abortions became legal the year before, thank God. I'd heard plenty of horror stories involving girls, bathtubs, wire hangers and lots of blood; that SHOULD make you squirm. Sure, there was the option of Adoption, but that would hardly have been accepted by our families or society, giving up your child.  Unmarried, sure, but married?

I confided in Joanie, who'd had more than one herself before the law changed (she swore no method of birth control worked for her)*.  Joanie offered a simple piece of advice which has guided me in all things throughout my life:

"If in doubt, don't."  That's all she'd say, and it was as if a lightbulb went off in my head.  I knew.  I'd known all along.

I remember the crowded waiting room at OB-GYN. I had to see the doctor before the abortionist, I can't remember why that was, either; for permission, I suppose.  The receptionist called out my name, adding,

"Oh, you're the abortion."  Gee, thanks for respecting my privacy, you can imagine the looks I received walking through that bloated gauntlet.

The dark stairway up to the clinic reminded me of the 'stories,' but inside it was clean, clinical and quick.  I wasn't the only one there.  One minute you have it; the next you don't, and I've never once regretted that decision.  I'd have made a terrible mother, despite the "Oh, no's" I've heard from well-meaning folks who felt I was missing out on something. Not every woman is cut out to be a Mother, and I would have totally screwed up that individual, I neglected to mention my drinking and smoking.

So I went on birth control pills for the next 10 or so years (which caused their own troubles) until having my tubes tied.  Permission was needed for that, too, in the mid-80's.  I was in my 30's and on my second husband, who already had two daughters.  

"How did you get the doctor to agree?" I was asked by shocked girlfriends with children, who'd been refused by their own doctors.

"I told him the girls were living with us (they were, for the summer) and he said, Oh, so you already have children, OK, then."

I don't regret my abortion but I regret I had to make the decision.  I should have been more aware of birth control methods, they didn't teach that in school, either.  I remain Pro-Choice as a Personal Right, because my womb is certainly no one else's business, just as your rectum is not mine.  What if, due to overpopulation, it becomes illegal to cure cancer, claiming it was never God's intent for us to live so long?

I'll bet if Gov. Reeves' (R-MS) wife became pregnant by someone else (I'm not saying she's unfaithful, just using the example), she'd hop across the state line quicker than you can say Mississippi Mud, and never say a peep to Tate.

"Tend your own garden," and take a hard look at the children you've chosen to keep. I've had to look at unmannered, unintelligible children for decades, and have always been thankful no progeny of mine had to grow up with them.  You tell children not to be bullies yet approve of turning neighbors into a bunch of vigilantes (think Texas), what's wrong with you?

I'd like to hear the statistics of abused children, foster children and victims of coat-hanger abortions, since we're making people feel guilty about killings.  Doesn't make a difference to me anymore, but we're heading in the wrong direction. Once they overturn Roe vs. Wade they'll feel free to go after Brown vs Board of Education, the 19th Amendment and finally the Social Security Act; but not before making it illegal to declare yourself anything other than M or F. Pretty obvious who that'll leave:  rich white Protestant men, don't doubt they'll get rid of the rest.  And then?  Better start looking for stylish headscarves and chastity belts, ladies.

Just pray the Supreme Court Justices live up to their titles.

* Joanie later had children with her second husband.