Day 2 of Homeless

That's how my mind sees it, but I feel guilty as hell because I know my situation is nothing compared to too many people. I don't feel like writing, or doing anything else, but writing's helped before, and I know there are people who care. I don't know if self-documenting Becoming Homeless has been done before. Your head's just not in to such things, and personally I feel I've got a time bomb over mine.

I walked around Safeway instead of Walmart for groceries in part because I didn't want to associate myself with poor people any more that day. It felt nice; the lights were dimmer, the food looked fresher, and I had my dead Aunt's phone number so I could get the Member's discount. Ghoulish, no?

I'd finished my boo-hoo-ing before entering the store, and since it was still early decided to take my time and try to settle my thoughts. I found myself staring at different things for quite awhile before jarring myself back to reality. This sucks.


I had such an "I don't care anymore" attitude and drove faster than usual (still not over the limit), made it back to my temporary parking space at the campground and hustled to re-hook because the sky was darkening (or was it just my mood?). Fed BC, ate my lunch and took a nap.

Unfortunately I remember the split-second of bliss upon waking, just to plunge into despair as reality returned. I felt similar this morning, but not quite as strongly, which I found encouraging. No wonder people sleep so much.

If I find a day depressing, I've learned to allow myself a pity-party; with the knowledge that in all likelihood the following day will seem a bit brighter. Looking for something to watch, I pulled out a musical I'd picked up in Goodwill the day before (7 for 6 bucks). We grew up listening to show tunes, and I'd never seen Finian's Rainbow.

I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. Directed by Francis Ford Coppola in 1968 when he was 29, it includes some brilliant, sarcastic parodies (I think?) of both racial bigotry and economic discrimination in the U.S. at the time. I liked it, but was disappointed because the issues haven't changed much.

So while I'm far from happy, I will begin my online search later on for a space on private property, which is risky because I've already been tossed off private property (years ago) when the County decided to enforce their particular laws about the number and type of dwellings allowed on properties. I can't help thinking I'm right back where I started.

I've considered driving to Salem and parking in front of the Capitol with a sign reading,

"WHERE CAN I PARK IN OREGON?"

Is our plight any less worthy than the fellows thrown out of Starbucks? Both forms of discrimination need to be addressed. The homeless are denied bathroom privileges, too. Talk about profiling...

P.S. Thanks for kind notes from Andria and Sis.